Molson XXX
70 Blade Chainsaw

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Molson XXX

Molson XXX: It’s absolutely fantastic that no official information can be found about Molson XXX.

What are this Canadian brew's ingredients, what about its IBU? You can’t even find this brand on Molson’s very own website OR its American partner MillerCoors; there must be some shame associated with this bastard child. But we do know that it has a killer alcohol content of 7.3% ABV and its main promise is to chainsaw the night!

The bottle prominently displays its pornographic XXX logo and also reads “Super Premium Beer” as if it were practicing its daily affirmation in front of a mirror.

So why did I pick this beer up? Because I am committed to you, my fellow beer guzzlers, and rating the chainsaw is my responsibility!

Onto The Method

4.0/10 - The Classic

0.5 - Appearance – First of all, it's a twist-off, I haven't seen one of those in a while. Pours a pale straw with medium carbonation and a nice white foamy head that lingers.

0.5 - Aroma – Smells like your average cheap American Malt liquor lager, but not as skunky or awful smelling as recent tastings. It displays the usual American-pilsner style malt character with faint hop aroma.

0.5 - Taste – There is a strong bitter taste that attaches itself to the alcohol. The carbonation opens up at the end releasing all those wonderfully awful flavors of cheapness and relentless despair. Don’t get me wrong, I can hang with the alcoholic power of any brew, but the booze joins itself to its already awful flavor.

0.5 - Palate – A thin base with full carbonation and a cheery awfulness. 2.0 - Overall – This beer is so amazingly bad that it spins the dial all the way around landing right back on fantastic! The odd thing about it is that the quality doesn't appear bad. In fact, I believe it may be made with quality ingredients even though there are slight flavors of corn.

Molson XXX

8.0/10 Blades - The Hammer –the booze - The alcohol content starts of with a powerful 7.3% ABV, which appears to be its main designpurpose and ultimate life’s destiny. It packs a solid punch and is the dominator of this brew’s recipe.

9.0/10 Blades - The Knife –digestibility - With such a high alcohol content spread over such a thin body, the knife is super-sharp and capable of cutting through steel, menace, rot and civilian adulation.

7.0/10 Blades - The Spiderthe lift - These spidersare a bit flirtatious – there’s a quick rush halfway through the first bottle that rapidly vanishes. Later on sometime during the third drink, that magic Kool-aid smile enters my soul and laughter and enjoyment ensues.

7.0/10 Blades - The Motor –can you handle it? - This machine gets on top of you, but not so much that it’s uncontrolled – still though, conversations with my wife are daring and inappropriate, good thing she chainsaws even during her breastfeeding sobriety.

The Chainsaw

35.0/50 Blades - The Buzz – Molson XXX is a strong brew that feels almost analgesic; it's kind of fun. It’s one of those experiences in life where it’s so awesomely bad that it’s freaking great! I spent a fun Thursday evening hanging out with my wife laughing through an equally awesomely bad but great Samuel L. Jackson movie. So the beer sucks, but it has a powerful hammer with a super-sharp knife, flirtatious Kool-aid spiders and a controllable yet silly motor. A bit of warning however: the hangover is killer! At 70 blades, Molson XXX chainsaws the night!

Molson XXX

After Drinking Molson XXX, try another World Lager

Best Beer Buzz Home

From the very initial experience of twisting off the bottle cap and smelling the cheapness, I had low expectations for Molson XXX. Nevertheless, I had so much fun with it that I will forever hold a smile in my heart for this bastard child.

In a way, it reminds me of Tom Cruise and his wild career. Watching his movies in the ‘80s was okay, but he always appeared like a prick. Maybe I held some sort of resentment of his good looks and the way women worshipped him, but I was 12, none of the women he ever dated were going to sleep with me. Still, I disliked him and all his mediocre movies (with the exception of Born on the Fourth of July – great film)!

Many years later, he began slamming Brook Shields for her “misguided” use of anti-depressants on national television! “Ok,” I thought smiling, “this has my attention.” Later there was an online video of him speaking with mania and laughter about the joys of Scientology – “Cool!” Suddenly, I was entertained by Mr. Cruise.

Finally, he fell in love with Katie Holmes, went on Opra and delivered a fantastic Freak Show to the world – “Kicking Doors Down!” That was awesome!!! In a short span Mr. Cruise suddenly entertained me with his public persona more profoundly than his entire acting career.

Mr. Cruise started off bad, got worse and ultimately even so awful that the dial spun right around landing on freaking awesome!!! Just like Molson XXX.

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